faith

This week has been a foggy week for us or me at least. We have been up every night this week with miss ellie as she battles being sick again. Will this sickness session end? I (as a mom) am totally worn out. A dragging feel that I can't shake this week, I want to bounce back just my heart's seen burdened this wk grately for my daughter. I struggle to write blogs like these b/c I don't want anyone to ever think I am not 100% thankful for my life, husband, family, 2 children, and cat (ha!). I am! But as all of our lives sometimes seem to take a spin where you want to stop it all and rest....that's where i am. I want some of the struggles for miss ellie boo to stop. Last Sunday I sat in church holding back every tear as the music proclaimed of God's love and faithfulness. As a believer I know these amazing truths. I know He is God, real, powerful, healing, mighty, loving, gracious, amazing, it all....but why was I want to fall to knees and say...God are you there? My sweet baby girl is 14 months old now and still can't eat. We are doing therapy out the wazoo, and we are still in the same stop. I feel like I am fighting each day to get more answers, to encourage ellie, and to stay strong in my faith. But Sunday I felt as if I was the only one sitting in the entire church as I listen to God speak to me. He does speak. The message was on "the waiting room". How sometimes in life you feel like you're the only person going through somethings and you are just waiting. Hmmmm pretty much me and mike right now. I know I tend to not talk about ellie's eating struggles a lot on our blog b/c my heart is so fearful people will look down on her abilities and or feel sorry for our family. But, as most of you know I want our lives and family situations to not just be a covered up story...I want the pages of our lives to be painted before others and God to write them fully. He gave us ellie and knew everything about her life way before I did. I know he is perfect and has MIGHTY plans for my daughter's struggles...but my heart is crying out for a glimpse of hope right now. Ellie is eating strictly by a feeding machine now. She ate baby food for a good 4 months, but now pushes the spoon or anything that comes near her mouth away and shakes her head "no" at me. It is kinda funny in the midst of the feeding drama, but after working with her 3 and 4 hours a day just on feeds, and day after day nothing comes of it. My heart aches. This week I've cried, not slept, and prayed more for my faith, for encouragement, and for my daughter more than any week. My star husband has been up at night with me tending to ellie, going to work, and coming home to be such a dear husband and daddy! I see my blessings, they are endless. But, my hearts desire and reason to writing so personally on this blog is for you to read this and begin to cover my baby girl in prayer. I tear up just writing that b/c the power of this challenge change you, me, my family, and most of all ellie. Get ready- b/c the day ellie's feeding tube comes out....we will have one big celebration...mike thought her 1st bday was big...he says just wait (precious man!). Thank you all for loving us, He plans are mighty...I will wait...I will trust...I will have faith....and I will believe. Thank you for listening to my human heart for just a little bit. I am grateful for you to read about our story!

it's friday!